Essay #7 Final Draft

Graphic Organizer
Novemer 2, 2010


Opening Paragraph:

Hook: everyone wants to achieve peace, but peace is very difficult to achieve
Comment on Hook: everyone wants the unoriginal world peace, end of war
Comment on Hook: no one thinks about the other types of peace there are
Thesis: we must all learn to be at peace with ourselves.

First Body Paragraph



TS: in A Rainy Morning, the woman must be at peace with herself
SD: she is in a wheelchair and she must have learned long ago to accept the fact that she would never walk again and become peaceful with the new her.
CM: if she was not at peace with herself she would be forever cursing whatever put her into the wheelchair, not focusing on what really matters in life
CM: she would be wasting her life away (use appositive)
SD: to play her instrument (wheel chair), the woman must have internal peace.
CM: to stay calm while strumming the wheels and intertwining her fingers in the spokes takes a lot of patience and strength
CM: to "push herself through the morning" the day, and the evening requires peace of mind and peace of body
CS: this young woman peacefully in the rain, has obtained peace within herself because she has realized that you do not need anything extra to be happy

Second Body Paragraph:

TS: in A Tale of Two Cities, each of the characters must be at peace with themselves to face their everyday life
SD: Lucie Manette must have peace to take care of others and never herself (use appositive)
CM: ever since they found Doctor, she has been taking care of him
CM: without peace, Lucie would have a difficult time dealing with her own life let alone her father's too. (talk about suitors)
SD: Mr. Lorry, a man of business, must have mental peace to be able to deal with the stress of Tellson's, and also the stress of going from total business mode to affectionate family man
CM:as soon as Mr. Lorry met the Manettes, he became a part of their family in some sort
CM: he switches between a peaceful quiet man, to an emotional imaginative but still peaceful man
SD: Mr. Carton on the other hand, must have peace to get through every single rough day
CM: he is a depressed alcoholic, and to make it as long as he did in his life, he must of had some sort of peace in his life
CM: without peace he wouldn't be here
CS: their lives are pretty difficult as it is, and not having peace with themselves and each other would make it a lot harder

Closing Paragraph:

Hook: we must all achieve peace with ourselves if we wish to lead a happy, untroubled life
Comment on Hook: to achieve peace we must accept who we are and accept that we cannot ever change who we are
Comment on Hook: to go around and hate yourself and wish you were somebody else will make your life very difficult and unpleasant
Re-statement: everyone must learn to obtain peace with themselves or else we cannot obtain the bigger unoriginal picture of peace


Simone
English 9
Mr. H. Salsich
November 3, 2010
"All I Want Is World Peace":
An Essay About Peace In Various Aspects

TS Everyone wants to achieve peace, but they do not realize how difficult it really is to obtain. SD Everyone wants the conventional world peace and end of war just like the pageant contestants say convincingly to the judges, but no one ever thinks about the other types of peace. CM Everyone misjudges peace as the absence of war and disturbance, or being tranquil and quiet, but if you really wanted to come into the possession of peace, then you would see past that dictionary definition. CS To attain peace, you must have peace in yourself.



TS In the poem "A Rainy Morning" by Ted Kooser, the sentences, the phrases, the words all portray a peaceful young handicapped woman (compound subject sentence). SD Having the obstacle of being in a wheel chair hanging over her head, she must have realized long ago that she had to accept the fact that she might never walk again and become at peace with her transformed self. CM However, if she did not decide to accept her altered body, she would be forever cursing whatever put her into the wheelchair and not focusing on what really matters in life. CM She would be wasting away her life, a thing to cherish and spend wisely, a thing that you can never get back once you've lost it, and never regain the years that you've spent ungrateful. (appositive) SD To play her instrument, the wheelchair, the woman must have internal peace. CM To be able to stay calm while "striking at the wheels" and intertwining her fingers in the spokes takes a lot of patience and strength. CM To "push herself through the morning", the day, and the evening requires peace of mind as well as peace of body. CS This young woman sitting peacefully in her wheelchair observing the rain has obtained peace within herself because she, unlike many people, has realized that you do not need anything extra to live a peaceful life.



TS In A Tale of Two Cities, the main characters' daily lives are so frenetic (F.A.S.T. word) that it seems they would need inner peace just to stay sane. SD For example, Lucie Manette, a "golden-haired doll" with misty blue eyes and creases on her forehead, a girl who thought she had no family, has to have some peace of mind to be able to only think of others and never herself. (appositive) CM Since Lucie found her father in St. Antoine -brought to him by Mr. Lorry after thinking he was dead for so many years - she has had to nurse him back to health without the help of others.(verb appositive) CM Without peace, Lucie would never be able to take care of her father, let alone herself. SD For Mr. Lorry, peace is a necessity so that he can deal with the stress of Tellson's and then the stress of going from businessman to a family man with the Manette's. CM As soon as Mr. Lorry met Lucie, he took on the roll as a protective older brother to her, and with that comes responsibilities. CM Mr. Lorry protects Lucie from harm, always on the watch for rude, offensive, and disrespectful people that would make Lucie upset, like a night guard at a museum. (cumulative sentence with a simile) SD Mr. Carton, on the other hand, must have peace to get through every rough day of his piteous (F.A.S.T. word) life. CM He is a depressed alcoholic, and to make it as long as he has in his life, he must have had some sort of peace in his life. CM Without that morsel of peace, I don't think Mr. Carton would be around anymore. CS The main characters' lives are pretty difficult as it is, and if they didn't have peace within themselves, their lives would be a lot harder.



TS To achieve global peace - obtain it in every continent, country, state, city, and even every town - we must first achieve peace within ourselves if we wish to lead a tranquil, untroubled life.(verb appositive) SD To achieve that inner peace though, we must accept who we are and that we can do nothing to change that. CM To go around hating yourself and wishing you were someone else, will make your life very unnecessarily difficult and unpleasant. CS If everyone learned to obtain peace within themselves just as the characters in A Tale of Two Cities and the woman in A Rainy Morning did, then maybe, just maybe, we would be able to pull off the bigger picture of peace.

Self Assessment:

1)An issue that I am still working on is making sure everything is grammatically correct and that everything is coherent.
2)I think a strong point in my essay is my introductory paragraph. I think it flows nicely and the point that I want to make gets across.
3)A weak point in my essay is my first body paragraph. I feel like not everything is coherent and clear.
4)I would give myself a B+ on this essay.