Paragraph 1: Opening
Main Point or Thesis of Essay: what you see and the characters of Tale of Two Cities see when looking in a mirror
Bell word: see
Hook: mirrors are mystifying
Comment on hook: the things that people would see right off the bat.
Comment on hook: tricks that mirrors play
Thesis: mirrors can be dangerous but if you look harder you may see.
Paragraph 2: First Body
TS: what you seen in the mirror depends on many things, therefore each character will see something different
2 echo words to be used: perceive, notice
SD: Lucie sees a modest, but sophisticated girl with worry lines
CM: why she is modest
CM: why she is sophisticated (quote) and has worry lines
SD: Doctor Manette sees a quiet and a bit of unsound minded man.
CM: how he is quiet
CM: how he has a little of an unsound mind (quote)
SD: Mr. Lorry sees a business machine who is coming out of his shell
CM: how he is a very serious business man (quote)
CM: how he is coming out of his shell (quote )
CS: what you see in the mirror depends on what characteristics you have and thats why Mr. Lorry, Doctor Manette, and Lucie see very different people
Paragraph 3: Second Body
TS: what I see in the mirror depends on how I am feeling that day
2 echo words to be used: discern, detect
SD: one day I see a shy, modest young girl who is very different once you get to know her
CM: why I am shy when you first meet me
CM: what I am like when you get to know me
SD: on another day I see imperfections
CM: imperfections in how I look, how I act, and imperfections I see in myself compared with other people
CM: some days I am my own worst enemy, a hazard to myself
SD: then the next day I could feel completely different and see a confident outgoing girl staring back at me
CM: a boastful, ready for action girl looking me in the eye
CM: a girl who is not shy, timid, or modest
CS: I could wake up one morning and see a totally different girl than who I saw the day before, it all depends on how I feel
Paragraph 4: Closing
Hook: mirrors can help you understand who you really are
Echo word: get a glimpse of
Comment on hook: if you look past physical features you may see you
Comment on hook: if you look past the physical features you may see what mirrors want you to see
Re-statement: mirrors are just a worthless piece of glass but what you put in the reflection is priceless.
Simone
English 9
Mr. H. Salisich
October 19
Mist and Mirrors:
What I and The Characters of Tale of Two Cities See When Looking In A Mirror
TS Mirrors are mystifying. SD If you looked into a mirror, you would see all of the things about yourself that you disliked: that your nose is slightly crooked or that one eye is bigger than the other. SD They sometimes hide the characteristics that are actually there and make you notice imperfections that are not. CM Staring too long into the mirror can be hazardous, making you think too long about who you are and who you want to be, but if you gazed deeper into the mirror, as the characters of A Tale of Two Cities might, you would see the characteristics that make you, you.
TS What you see in the mirror depends on many different things, and that is why the characters of A Tale of Two Cities will notice different things. SD Lucie Manette sees a modest, yet sophisticated girl with worry lines carved permanently into her forehead. CM Lucie will see a modest being looking her back in the eye because she seems shy and unaware that she is beautiful. CM Since Miss Pross "spoilt Lucie", I think that it has made her a more refined, experienced young woman, always worrying for her father, keeping him sane, like a bird protects it's eggs, making sure it has food, water, warmth, love, and shelter. (subordinate cumulative sentence). On the same note, if Doctor Manette were to look in the mirror, he would perceive that he is an aged, quiet man with an unsound mind. CM Every time Monsieur Manette is mentioned in the book, he never has any dialogue and is completely silent, and although Lucie has nursed her father back to health, he still doesn't seem completely lucid like Miss Pross explains, "Sometimes he gets up in the dead of the night, and will be heard, by us overhead there, walking up and down, walking up and down, in his room." CM He is slowly remembering his past at the prison, and that is what is causing him to be unhinged. SD Furthermore, if Mr. Lorry were to look into a mirror at himself, he would see a man strictly of business, but also a man who has an imagination. CM Mr. Lorry is "[...] a man of business", who only knows, thinks, sleeps, and breathes it, but as the book is unraveling we are starting to see the other imaginative, protective side of him. CM Mr. Lorry is loosening up and coming out of his shell - something I never expected to happen. CS What you people see in the mirror depends on many things, and that is why Lucie, Doctor Manette, and Mr. Lorry all see very different, very unique people looking them back at them.
TS What I see in the mirror also depends on how I am feeling that day. SD One day I would discern a shy, modest girl who has a very hard shell, a shell that covers who I really am, a shell that covers my soft delicate personality, a shell that protects me from being hurt, a shell that is breakable however. (subordinate cumulative sentence 40+ words). CM My shy surface is confusing, but I keep a wall up so that only satisfactory and loving people can get beyond it. CM People always tell me that I am so modest; that I do not boast nor fish for compliments, something that I am proud of. SD On another day though, I would detect imperfections. CM I notice all the little things that drive me crazy - imperfections in how I look, and imperfections that I see in myself compared to other people. CM On days like that, I am my own worst enemy, a hazard to myself. SD Then the next day I could feel completely different and transformed. CM I could look in the mirror and see confident, outgoing girl staring back at me. CM I would see a boastful girl who is too big for her britches. CS I could wake up one morning and see a totally different girl than what I saw the day before looking back at me, but it all depends on how I feel.
TS Despite being bewildering, mirrors can also make you better understand what characteristics you have and what characteristics you might want to gain. SD If you look past all of the physical features you may get a glimpse of a truly remarkable person. CM If you can look past all of the things you like and dislike about your physical appearance, you just might be able to dig deep enough to see what we are really supposed to see when we look in a mirror. CS In the end, a mirror is really just a piece of glass, worthless, but what you choose to see in it is priceless.
Self Assessment:
1) An issue that I am still trying to work on is blending my quote and choosing the right ones for the chunk and sentence.
2) I think a strong point in my essay would be my second body paragraph. I feel like it flows and everything is coherent.
3) A weak point is my concluding paragraph, I feel like some of the sentences don't really relate.
4) I would give myself a B+ on this essay.
Simone,
ReplyDeleteIn the first body paragraph, second CM of the first SD, it doesn't really make sense where the word "much" and your quote meet. You might add a few words to make the sentence flow better.
Also in the first body paragraph, first CM of the second SD, you have a comma splice where your quote starts.
Your second body paragraph's CS is very elegant and interesting. I think it is a good end to your paragraph.
1. In your first body paragraph, SD2 CM2, you say "[...] his past at the prison[...]. I think that you should take out the words "at the" and replace them with "in" so it flows better and so there is no unecessary words.
ReplyDelete2. In your second body paragraph, SD3 CM1, you forgot the word "a" between "see" and "condifent".
3. Your subordinate cumulative sentence in your second body paragraph fits really well and flows really well. I also like how you incorporated a simile in the sentence.