Essay #13

Simone

English 9

Mr. H. Salsich

January 31

Introductory Paragraph

bell word: excellence

TS: to have excellence means to show that you have greatness

SD: that you hold your head high

CM: that you know that you can accomplish anything you put your mind to

CS: in my life and TTC I think there is a sense of excellence

First Body Paragraph

echo words: distinction, superiority

TS: in TTC, many of the characters show excellence

SD: for example, Sydney Carton

CM: he is sacrificing his life, "dying for him [Darnay], and his wife and child" just when he was just beginning to turn it around

CM: he shows superiority because not many other people would do that

SD: another example would be Jarvis Lorry, the "well kept man of business"

CM: Mr. Lorry has saved Doctor Manette from Bastille, reunited him with his daughter, and taken care of them in their time of need,

CM: he is an exceptional character in TTC because he puts peoples needs before his own

SD: these are distinct characters because of their excellence

CM: they show that they are above the rest in many ways

CM: they show that the quality of their personalities are higher than others because they do not give up hope until all is "lost, utterly lost" (dickens 356)

CS: excellence is a rare and valued characteristic in people, and I believe that these characters in TTC have it

Second Body Paragraph

echo words: brilliance, preeminence

TS: excellence rings throughout the school I attend, the people whom I surround myself with, and also within me

SD: excellence is one of Pine Point's core values

CM: they strive hard to teach every student to have brilliance

CM: the students try hard to attain the excellence and satisfy the high standard

SD: my friends and family have great influence on me and the fact that they have excellence impacts me greatly

CM: they always set a good example of how people should act, the difference between good and bad, and black and white, as if things were as easy as the separation of colors, bad was as black as coal and good was "as white as the tops of the waves that broke upon the neighboring beach" (Dickens 20)

CM: they put others before themselves, sacrifice things for other people, and show preeminence

SD: therefore, I believe I have a sense of excellence

CM: the school I attend and the people who surround me have rubbed off on me

CM: I put people before myself, forgive and forget, I hold my head high

CS: I have learned that excellence is a good quality to have

Concluding Paragraph

echo word: eminence

TS: to show excellence says a lot about you

SD: it says that you care about other people and how you present yourself to other people

CM: you hold your head high and don't let the people who want to see you fall get to you

CS: having eminence shows that you care

Simone

English 9

Mr. H. Salsich

February 3

To have excellence means to show that you have greatness. It means to show that you hold your head high with confidence. To show that you know you can accomplish anything you put your mind too. In my life and A Tale of Two Cities I believe there is a sense of excellence.

In A Tale of Two Cities, many of the characters show excellence. One surprising (F.A.S.T.) example would be Sydney Carton. He is sacrificing his life, "dying for him [Darnay], and his wife and child", just when he was starting to turn things around. He shows superiorty because not many other people would do that for someone else. Another example would be Jarvis Lorry, the "well kept man of business". Mr. Lorry has saved Doctor Manette from Bastille, reunited him with his daughter, and taken care of them in their time of need. He is an exceptional character in A Tale of Two Cities because he puts other people's needs before his own. These characters are distinctive from others because of their excellence. They show that they are above the rest in many ways. They show that the qualities of their personalities are much higher than others because they do not give up hope until all is "lost, utterly lost" (Dickens 356). Excellence is an infrequent (F.A.S.T.) and vauled characteristic in people, and I believe that these characters in the novel have it.

Excellence rings throughout the halls of the school I attend, the people whom I surround myself with, and also within me. The school I attend, Pine Point has four core values, and one of them is excellence. They strive hard to teach every student to have brilliance. The students try hard to acquire (F.A.S.T.) excellence and satisfy the high standard. My friends and family have great influence on me and the fact that they have excellence has a good impact on me. They always set a good example of how people should act, the difference between good and bad, just like it was black and white, as if it were as easy as the separation of two colors, bad was as black as coal, and white was "as white as the tops of waves that broke upon the neighboring beach" (Dickens, 20)(coordinate cumulative sentence). They put others before themselves, forgo (F.A.S.T.) things for other people, and show preeminence. Therefore, I feel that I have a sense of excellence too. The school I attend, the people whom I surround myself with have rubbed off on me. I put people before myself, forgive and forget, and hold my head high. I have learned that excellence is a good quality to have and that it makes your personality shine just a little bit brighter.

To show excellence says a lot about a person's character. It says that you care about other people, and how you present yourself to those people. It says that you hold your head high and don't let the people who want to see you fall get to you. Having emminence makes you distinct from others, makes you feel like you can accomplish many things, and shows that you have the confidence to do whatever you put your mind too.

SELF-ASSESSMENT

1) I am still working on making my sentences clear and not vague. I tried to work on that in this essay.

2) I think that my first body paragraph is a strong point in this essay. I like my use of quotes and how they blend in with my sentences.

3) I think a weak point would be some of my special effects in this essay. I don't know if some of my words are apt., and if my coordinate-cumulative sentence is correct.

4) I would give myself a B+ for this essay