Paragraph 1: Opening
Main Point or Thesis of Essay: what you see and the characters of Tale of Two Cities see when looking in a mirror
Bell word: see
Hook: mirrors are mystifying
Comment on hook: the things that people would see right off the bat.
Comment on hook: tricks that mirrors play
Thesis: mirrors can be dangerous but if you look harder you may see.
Paragraph 2: First Body
TS: what you seen in the mirror depends on many things, therefore each character will see something different
2 echo words to be used: perceive, notice
SD: Lucie sees a modest, but sophisticated girl with worry lines
CM: why she is modest
CM: why she is sophisticated (quote) and has worry lines
SD: Doctor Manette sees a quiet and a bit of unsound minded man.
CM: how he is quiet
CM: how he has a little of an unsound mind (quote)
SD: Mr. Lorry sees a business machine who is coming out of his shell
CM: how he is a very serious business man (quote)
CM: how he is coming out of his shell (quote )
CS: what you see in the mirror depends on what characteristics you have and thats why Mr. Lorry, Doctor Manette, and Lucie see very different people
Paragraph 3: Second Body
TS: what I see in the mirror depends on how I am feeling that day
2 echo words to be used: discern, detect
SD: one day I see a shy, modest young girl who is very different once you get to know her
CM: why I am shy when you first meet me
CM: what I am like when you get to know me
SD: on another day I see imperfections
CM: imperfections in how I look, how I act, and imperfections I see in myself compared with other people
CM: some days I am my own worst enemy, a hazard to myself
SD: then the next day I could feel completely different and see a confident outgoing girl staring back at me
CM: a boastful, ready for action girl looking me in the eye
CM: a girl who is not shy, timid, or modest
CS: I could wake up one morning and see a totally different girl than who I saw the day before, it all depends on how I feel
Paragraph 4: Closing
Hook: mirrors can help you understand who you really are
Echo word: get a glimpse of
Comment on hook: if you look past physical features you may see you
Comment on hook: if you look past the physical features you may see what mirrors want you to see
Re-statement: mirrors are just a worthless piece of glass but what you put in the reflection is priceless.
Simone
English 9
Mr. H. Salisich
October 19
Mist and Mirrors:
What I and The Characters of Tale of Two Cities See When Looking In A Mirror
TS Mirrors are mystifying. SD If you looked into a mirror, you would see all of the things about yourself that you disliked: that your nose is slightly crooked or that one eye is bigger than the other. SD They sometimes hide the characteristics that are actually there and make you notice imperfections that are not. CM Staring too long into the mirror can be hazardous, making you think too long about who you are and who you want to be, but if you gazed deeper into the mirror, as the characters of A Tale of Two Cities might, you would see the characteristics that make you, you.
TS What you see in the mirror depends on many different things, and that is why the characters of A Tale of Two Cities will notice different things. SD Lucie Manette sees a modest, yet sophisticated girl with worry lines carved permanently into her forehead. CM Lucie will see a modest being looking her back in the eye because she seems shy and unaware that she is beautiful. CM Since Miss Pross "spoilt Lucie", I think that it has made her a more refined, experienced young woman, always worrying for her father, keeping him sane, like a bird protects it's eggs, making sure it has food, water, warmth, love, and shelter. (subordinate cumulative sentence). On the same note, if Doctor Manette were to look in the mirror, he would perceive that he is an aged, quiet man with an unsound mind. CM Every time Monsieur Manette is mentioned in the book, he never has any dialogue and is completely silent, and although Lucie has nursed her father back to health, he still doesn't seem completely lucid like Miss Pross explains, "Sometimes he gets up in the dead of the night, and will be heard, by us overhead there, walking up and down, walking up and down, in his room." CM He is slowly remembering his past at the prison, and that is what is causing him to be unhinged. SD Furthermore, if Mr. Lorry were to look into a mirror at himself, he would see a man strictly of business, but also a man who has an imagination. CM Mr. Lorry is "[...] a man of business", who only knows, thinks, sleeps, and breathes it, but as the book is unraveling we are starting to see the other imaginative, protective side of him. CM Mr. Lorry is loosening up and coming out of his shell - something I never expected to happen. CS What you people see in the mirror depends on many things, and that is why Lucie, Doctor Manette, and Mr. Lorry all see very different, very unique people looking them back at them.
TS What I see in the mirror also depends on how I am feeling that day. SD One day I would discern a shy, modest girl who has a very hard shell, a shell that covers who I really am, a shell that covers my soft delicate personality, a shell that protects me from being hurt, a shell that is breakable however. (subordinate cumulative sentence 40+ words). CM My shy surface is confusing, but I keep a wall up so that only satisfactory and loving people can get beyond it. CM People always tell me that I am so modest; that I do not boast nor fish for compliments, something that I am proud of. SD On another day though, I would detect imperfections. CM I notice all the little things that drive me crazy - imperfections in how I look, and imperfections that I see in myself compared to other people. CM On days like that, I am my own worst enemy, a hazard to myself. SD Then the next day I could feel completely different and transformed. CM I could look in the mirror and see confident, outgoing girl staring back at me. CM I would see a boastful girl who is too big for her britches. CS I could wake up one morning and see a totally different girl than what I saw the day before looking back at me, but it all depends on how I feel.
TS Despite being bewildering, mirrors can also make you better understand what characteristics you have and what characteristics you might want to gain. SD If you look past all of the physical features you may get a glimpse of a truly remarkable person. CM If you can look past all of the things you like and dislike about your physical appearance, you just might be able to dig deep enough to see what we are really supposed to see when we look in a mirror. CS In the end, a mirror is really just a piece of glass, worthless, but what you choose to see in it is priceless.
Self Assessment:
1) An issue that I am still trying to work on is blending my quote and choosing the right ones for the chunk and sentence.
2) I think a strong point in my essay would be my second body paragraph. I feel like it flows and everything is coherent.
3) A weak point is my concluding paragraph, I feel like some of the sentences don't really relate.
4) I would give myself a B+ on this essay.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Essay #5
Simone
English 9
Mr. H. Salsich
October 12
A Zealous Family Reunion:
An Essay About The Emotions In "The Shoemaker"
TS Loosing twenty years with a loved one would be a nightmare, but Lucie Manette has to live with the ordeal everyday of her life. SD When Lucie is told that her father, who she thought was dead is actually alive, in the chapter "The Shoemaker" of A Tale of Two Cities, there are a mix of emotions. CM Emotions that run high and low, uncontrolled and flaring. CS If you found out that you could have possibly had a real family when you were younger, how would you feel?
TS In the book, Dickens portrays Lucie Manette as a anxious young adult. SD Lucie has spent that last seventeen years of her life believing that her father, Monsieur Manette, was dead. CM Since Lucie never had a real family, Mr. Lorry seems to always notice that distress is upon her face, and that maybe the lack of kin was the reason, "[...] with her eyes open and fixed upon him, and with that last expression looking as if it were carved or branded into her forehead." CM When Lucie, the withered perturbed teen, finds out that her father, who was finally released after being imprisoned in Bastile, is not actually dead and that she is going to see him, ever present worry lines fade from her forehead. (coordinate cumulative 40 word sentence) SD When Lucie and Monsieur meet, she did not run into his arms as expected; she lurked behind the doorframe - hidden. CM It was almost like she did not want her long lost father to see her just yet. CM Monsieur Manette did not seem too jovial to be having new visitors either, he just continued his work, "[...] a pair of haggard eyes had looked at the questioner, before the face had dropped again." SD After a while though, Lucie comes out from behind the door, as if ready to face her perished father. CM At first, Monsieur did not realize that Lucie was his daughter, and Lucie is trying to help him remember without directly telling him, "If you hear in my voice - I don't know that it is so, but I hope it is - if you hear in my voice any resemblance to a voice that once was sweet music to your ears, weep for it, weep for it!" CM Dickens depicted this as a very emotional and unforgettable reunion using dialogue, descriptors, and passion. CS The reuniting of Lucie and Monsieur Manette was portrayed by Dickens using many writing tools, but most of all I think he used his heart.
TS I cannot even begin to imagine the mix of emotions Lucie had brewing up inside when she heard that her father, who she thought was dead, was actually alive. SD If I were even to begin to consider the amount of joy I would be experiencing if I were in Lucie's shoes, I would be overwhelmed. CM To be lucky enough to be reunited with someone you had been dreaming about for so long would be unbelievable. CM I would be so happy to know that I now would have someone to love, and someone to love me. SD Although, at first I would be a little reluctant. CM I probably would have thoughts racing through my mind like, is this person really my relative? What if it's an imposter? And so many more. CM I would feel shy and timid just as I would meeting any other person for the first time. SD After a while I would settle down and really think about what had just happened. CM Sorrow would wash over me like waves splashing up onto the dry beach, crashing down heavily on the sand that is now wet, knocking out anything and everything in its path, taking over completely and leaving no evidence that joy ever even existed (coordinate cumulative 40 word sentence). CM I would feel as if twenty years with this person was stolen from me and I would never be able to regain them, but in the end I would have to remember that the past is the past and move on towards my bright future with my relative. CS This circumstance seems inconceivable, but I know that if it did actually happen I would feel a mixture of emotions, but most of all I would be overjoyed.
TS The chapter "The Shoemaker" is an emotional roller coaster for most of the characters in it. SD The chapter portrays so many emotions that you could not even fathom unless it was really happening to you. CM Happiness, sadness, eagerness, and many more are all presented. CS Imagine being reunited with your father who you thought was dead for the past twenty years, how do you think you would react?
1. An issue that I must overcome in my writing is coherence, and making sure that all of my words and sentences fit properly where they are and make sense.
2. A weak point that I noticed in this essay is the second body paragraph. My thoughts are a bit scrambled and I could have made them a little more clear.
3. I think a strong point in my essay is my first body paragraph. I think I supported each chunk well with quotes that fit what I was talking about.
4. I would give myself a B+ on this essay.
English 9
Mr. H. Salsich
October 12
A Zealous Family Reunion:
An Essay About The Emotions In "The Shoemaker"
TS Loosing twenty years with a loved one would be a nightmare, but Lucie Manette has to live with the ordeal everyday of her life. SD When Lucie is told that her father, who she thought was dead is actually alive, in the chapter "The Shoemaker" of A Tale of Two Cities, there are a mix of emotions. CM Emotions that run high and low, uncontrolled and flaring. CS If you found out that you could have possibly had a real family when you were younger, how would you feel?
TS In the book, Dickens portrays Lucie Manette as a anxious young adult. SD Lucie has spent that last seventeen years of her life believing that her father, Monsieur Manette, was dead. CM Since Lucie never had a real family, Mr. Lorry seems to always notice that distress is upon her face, and that maybe the lack of kin was the reason, "[...] with her eyes open and fixed upon him, and with that last expression looking as if it were carved or branded into her forehead." CM When Lucie, the withered perturbed teen, finds out that her father, who was finally released after being imprisoned in Bastile, is not actually dead and that she is going to see him, ever present worry lines fade from her forehead. (coordinate cumulative 40 word sentence) SD When Lucie and Monsieur meet, she did not run into his arms as expected; she lurked behind the doorframe - hidden. CM It was almost like she did not want her long lost father to see her just yet. CM Monsieur Manette did not seem too jovial to be having new visitors either, he just continued his work, "[...] a pair of haggard eyes had looked at the questioner, before the face had dropped again." SD After a while though, Lucie comes out from behind the door, as if ready to face her perished father. CM At first, Monsieur did not realize that Lucie was his daughter, and Lucie is trying to help him remember without directly telling him, "If you hear in my voice - I don't know that it is so, but I hope it is - if you hear in my voice any resemblance to a voice that once was sweet music to your ears, weep for it, weep for it!" CM Dickens depicted this as a very emotional and unforgettable reunion using dialogue, descriptors, and passion. CS The reuniting of Lucie and Monsieur Manette was portrayed by Dickens using many writing tools, but most of all I think he used his heart.
TS I cannot even begin to imagine the mix of emotions Lucie had brewing up inside when she heard that her father, who she thought was dead, was actually alive. SD If I were even to begin to consider the amount of joy I would be experiencing if I were in Lucie's shoes, I would be overwhelmed. CM To be lucky enough to be reunited with someone you had been dreaming about for so long would be unbelievable. CM I would be so happy to know that I now would have someone to love, and someone to love me. SD Although, at first I would be a little reluctant. CM I probably would have thoughts racing through my mind like, is this person really my relative? What if it's an imposter? And so many more. CM I would feel shy and timid just as I would meeting any other person for the first time. SD After a while I would settle down and really think about what had just happened. CM Sorrow would wash over me like waves splashing up onto the dry beach, crashing down heavily on the sand that is now wet, knocking out anything and everything in its path, taking over completely and leaving no evidence that joy ever even existed (coordinate cumulative 40 word sentence). CM I would feel as if twenty years with this person was stolen from me and I would never be able to regain them, but in the end I would have to remember that the past is the past and move on towards my bright future with my relative. CS This circumstance seems inconceivable, but I know that if it did actually happen I would feel a mixture of emotions, but most of all I would be overjoyed.
TS The chapter "The Shoemaker" is an emotional roller coaster for most of the characters in it. SD The chapter portrays so many emotions that you could not even fathom unless it was really happening to you. CM Happiness, sadness, eagerness, and many more are all presented. CS Imagine being reunited with your father who you thought was dead for the past twenty years, how do you think you would react?
1. An issue that I must overcome in my writing is coherence, and making sure that all of my words and sentences fit properly where they are and make sense.
2. A weak point that I noticed in this essay is the second body paragraph. My thoughts are a bit scrambled and I could have made them a little more clear.
3. I think a strong point in my essay is my first body paragraph. I think I supported each chunk well with quotes that fit what I was talking about.
4. I would give myself a B+ on this essay.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Martha's Vineyard trip
Simone
English 9
Mr. H. Salsich
October 9
A Whole New World:
Writing About The Ninth Grade Trip To Martha's VIneyard
Day 1 (10/5/10)
Martha's Vineyard is like a home away from home to me. My family and I stay here all summer long and almost every weekend in the fall and spring. Since I am usually with my family, it is strange to be here with my class and teachers. At the same time though, it is almost like I am there with my family since I am so close to my classmates and teachers. The thirteen of us are divided into three groups, and with those groups we take turns cooking dinner, cooking breakfast, and cleaning up after. To me, this experience really seems like it is going to help us bond. Even though most of us have been with each other since the first grade, this will still bring us closer as a family living under one roof. It is only the first day and I can already tell that this is going to be a great trip.
Day 2 (10/6/10)
Wind rushing forcefully through my hair,
Rain slicing through my jacket.
It is like I am in a whirlpool of wind, rain, and chill.
The cold is slashing at my wet jeans, testing them.
I want to get out of here.
Out of this cold wet forest and into the cozy hostel.
My eyes feel intruded by the wind that is causing them to water and not stop.
The sky opens up right before my dewey eyes, throwing knives of water down upon me.
Though, I keep going.
Through the rain,
Through the cold,
And through the wind, until I see the light.
Being on top of the pyramid is not as easy as it seems. Unlike the people on the bottom, you don't have to worry about people on your back, but you do have to worry about how to journey to the top. Numerous attempts show that it is not a simple process. I have to think about ever move in advance so that I do not hurt anyone, or make the whole pyramid topple over. Everyone is wavering and unsteady, but somehow I make it to the top and continue the tradition.
Day 3 (10/7/10)
I don't want this to end:
The bonding, the fun, and the new experiences.
We are all going through this together
One step at a time.
We learn together and we play together.
We live together and we laugh together.
We cry together and we discover together.
We watch the sunset together.
These people are my family and nothing will ever change that.
No matter how much longer we will be together, and how long we will be apart.
We are brothers and sisters, and this is our last year together.
This is the end of the beginning.
Today was a cool and crisp day where you walk outside and feel that shiver up your spine. We went to the Polly Hill Arboretum and took a tour though the tall oaks, the lazy willows, and the dying flowers. We wandered around trying to find inspiration for something to draw. It felt like I was Alice in wonderland walking dazedly and aimlessly through a whole new world. Then, we went to the cliffs of Aquinnah to watch the beautiful sunset from the beach. The sound of the waves crashing, the seagulls chirping, and our laughter were the only things that filled the air. We sat in the chilled damp sand and stared up in awe. The sky was a mixture of pink, orange, blue, and purple, and it was possibly the most amazing ting I have ever seen. Today was another beautiful and magnificent day.
Today seemed like a dream.
The purple sky above me smiling down.
Everyone seemed to be having the time of their lives together.
Tonight is our last night and tomorrow is our last day.
I hope we make them the best.
English 9
Mr. H. Salsich
October 9
A Whole New World:
Writing About The Ninth Grade Trip To Martha's VIneyard
Day 1 (10/5/10)
Martha's Vineyard is like a home away from home to me. My family and I stay here all summer long and almost every weekend in the fall and spring. Since I am usually with my family, it is strange to be here with my class and teachers. At the same time though, it is almost like I am there with my family since I am so close to my classmates and teachers. The thirteen of us are divided into three groups, and with those groups we take turns cooking dinner, cooking breakfast, and cleaning up after. To me, this experience really seems like it is going to help us bond. Even though most of us have been with each other since the first grade, this will still bring us closer as a family living under one roof. It is only the first day and I can already tell that this is going to be a great trip.
Day 2 (10/6/10)
Wind rushing forcefully through my hair,
Rain slicing through my jacket.
It is like I am in a whirlpool of wind, rain, and chill.
The cold is slashing at my wet jeans, testing them.
I want to get out of here.
Out of this cold wet forest and into the cozy hostel.
My eyes feel intruded by the wind that is causing them to water and not stop.
The sky opens up right before my dewey eyes, throwing knives of water down upon me.
Though, I keep going.
Through the rain,
Through the cold,
And through the wind, until I see the light.
Being on top of the pyramid is not as easy as it seems. Unlike the people on the bottom, you don't have to worry about people on your back, but you do have to worry about how to journey to the top. Numerous attempts show that it is not a simple process. I have to think about ever move in advance so that I do not hurt anyone, or make the whole pyramid topple over. Everyone is wavering and unsteady, but somehow I make it to the top and continue the tradition.
Day 3 (10/7/10)
I don't want this to end:
The bonding, the fun, and the new experiences.
We are all going through this together
One step at a time.
We learn together and we play together.
We live together and we laugh together.
We cry together and we discover together.
We watch the sunset together.
These people are my family and nothing will ever change that.
No matter how much longer we will be together, and how long we will be apart.
We are brothers and sisters, and this is our last year together.
This is the end of the beginning.
Today was a cool and crisp day where you walk outside and feel that shiver up your spine. We went to the Polly Hill Arboretum and took a tour though the tall oaks, the lazy willows, and the dying flowers. We wandered around trying to find inspiration for something to draw. It felt like I was Alice in wonderland walking dazedly and aimlessly through a whole new world. Then, we went to the cliffs of Aquinnah to watch the beautiful sunset from the beach. The sound of the waves crashing, the seagulls chirping, and our laughter were the only things that filled the air. We sat in the chilled damp sand and stared up in awe. The sky was a mixture of pink, orange, blue, and purple, and it was possibly the most amazing ting I have ever seen. Today was another beautiful and magnificent day.
Today seemed like a dream.
The purple sky above me smiling down.
Everyone seemed to be having the time of their lives together.
Tonight is our last night and tomorrow is our last day.
I hope we make them the best.
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